Japanniversay part deux.

Through September------

Wow. So last blog was in April eh? I've been so busy with updating my life, that I haven't been able to update my blog. Many things have happened/changed since my last entry.

We are now about half way through the year at my not-so-new-job. It's been a whirlwind of many different types of things. firstly, I love my class. the group of kids that I have are amazing. Watching them learn, grow, and develop, has been the highlight of my time in Japan. Recently, we've started giving the kids spelling tests, and it was really difficult. The first couple of weeks were a bit rocky, but at the Sport's Festival everyone did so well! I almost cried. Almost. ^^

My job is difficult but rewarding. I love seeing all the kids, not just my class, on a daily basis. They've all made changes, some big and some small, but it's quite the miracle. Being head teacher isn't easy. I have a lot of responsibility, and like most people in management positions, other people have no clue what managers do. My goal is to always try my best, and be as fair as possible to everyone. In order to do that, I try to keep a very clear line between work and social life, and that's not always easy. I want to be friends, but I don't want to compromise my judgment either. So as always, balance.

Fall is here finally! I survived summer. Actually, summer isn't as bad as people always complain about. I slept with my heavy down comforter all summer long. I think a couple of nights I only used the sheet, but usually I slept with my comforter. The hard thing is really the humidity. It's pretty terrible. I am such a wuss when it comes to weather. I think about the weather a lot. I obsessively check the different weather reports, and try to stay away from nature as much as possible. >_< I basically stayed inside, in my A/C'd apartment most of summer. ^^ This seemed to serve me quite well. I don't like discomfort. >_<

I did do a few things though. I went to Taiwan for Golden Week in May. It was one of the greatest things every to see Nancy again after so long. I missed her so much! It'd been almost 10 years since I'd seen her. It was great to just sit and catch up, and just like any good friend, it was like we had never parted. We picked up exactly where we'd left off years ago.

Another highlight was seeing Jennifer. She's been such a great friend to me.... every since Berkeley. She's pushed me forward even when I didn't think it was possible to move forward. I am eternally grateful for her kindness. She is now living it up in Australia. I am not sure if I will be able to make it there before she leaves, but it was great seeing her in Taiwan before she left.

Besties old and new. Jennifer left, Nancy middle and me!

I also got to see Murial and Emmanuelle! I've seen Emm in 3 different countries now! Jennifer too! ^^ I hope our travels and career paths send us in the same direction again someday soon. ^^ Murial also seems to be doing well. She speaks so much Chinese now that she's forgetting her Japanese. lol.

All in all, Taiwan was a great trip. I didn't actually do anything either. We didn't see any museums, we didn't go to any parks, or see anything special.... all we did was eat and shop. It was super relaxing, recharging, and heart-warming. I felt like I was at home with Jennifer and Nancy with me. Taiwan feels almost as close to me as Japan- and the food is cheaper there too! ^^

Jumping ahead, we had a BBQ in August. It was a lot of fun! We got to hang out at a fun beach with a lot of friends. It was soooooo hot though, I thought I was gonna die. The water was nice and the food was good, so I think everyone had a great time. ^^

The bbq gang.

----------> through December

Well, so many things have happened since the last draft I started even. lol. One thing I should note, is that since Mandy returned home in April, my Saturday nights were a little lonely, but perked up once my new friendships with Go and Oscar (not so new) melded with my relationship with Maki. The four of us basically hang out every single weekend. I still miss Mandy lots. I don't think my impression of Japan would even be the same without her company in the first year I was here. It was a pretty big blow when she left. I am so grateful for Maki, Go, and Oscar for keeping me company since then. <3

My goodbye ECC dinner with Mandy.

One of the things I did for my birthday this year was go to Korea! It was the first time I had been to Korea, but one of the places I'd always wanted to go to. I HAD SOOOOOOO MUCH FUN!!!!!! It was also the first time I had ever been on an actual vacation with a friend. This is serious business. Friends can be great friends, but you never know if you're good travel buddies. See, I am the type who likes to do a lot of local things. I like to get a feel for the atmosphere and the culture. I usually want to pick one or two touristy things, but mostly stay off the radar. I pick a few days that I will force myself to go for an ungodly amount of time and relax the rest of the time. I feel no need to hurry when I am on vacation because a vacation is supposed to be fun- in my opinion- and I want to enjoy it. This is something I have learned with time. As it turns out, Maki is the same way. She'd been to Korea several times in the past, so she didn't really care to do any of the touristy things either. We did a lot of hanging out with her Korean friends, and shopped at local markets, and hit up the hottest bar/club in Seoul. I think I would have no problem living in Seoul. I think I could live in almost any major city, in any first world country. lol. I couldn't live in Bangkok, for example, but I could easily see myself living in Paris, Seoul, Taipei, or L.A./S.F. Anyway, Korea- loved it. I can't wait to go back actually. ^^

I have food in my mouth in this pic. -.-

I got to see Judy yay!!!!

Also for my birthday, Maki, Go, Oscar, and I went to Toba (where Maki's family has a timeshare condo), for the weekend. I think it was one of the best times I've ever had anywhere. It was one of those perfect moment times. The kind of time when you look around and you are hyper aware of the fact that this is one of those "special moments" in your life. Maki and I brought laver (Korean seaweed snacks), soju (Korean alcohol), and face masks from Korea for the boys. We made them wear them with us during our pajama party. The result was quite wonderful. I really wish I could upload the video!

Oscar and I looking scary.

Oscar creepin on Maki!

Then in October we celebrated Halloween at school. I get to do all sorts of crafts with my kids. All the things I remember making as a child, I can make with my kids now. All the memories I am creating for them come from the dreams I had of being a teacher one day. It really is exactly what I've wanted to do. My job is not east by any means. I am often tired. I've started drinking coffee. The amount of work these kids do at their age is amazing and terrifying. We are having a Christmas concert in two weeks!

I am constantly reminding myself that they are only 5 years old. We push them so hard, and try to let them enjoy their childhood at the same time. It's a really delicate balance. Because they are so mature though, we do get to do a lot of things with them that I could probably not do with a child of the same age in the states. It also makes me wonder, if I ever have kids, how hard will I push them? I am seeing the limits of what children are capable of now. The amount my kids have progressed and changed over the last 8 months is amazing. I want to push them harder because I know they can do more. I want them to be confident and resilient to Japanese society when they get older. Japanese school is tough. Teachers are so strict. Little kids are sooooo stressed out here. Suicide is very high. With all that in mind, I push my kids so they know how to work hard and succeed in Japanese society, but I praise them and give them tons of hugs and love so they are confident in themselves. I think a lot about my job. I think a lot about my kids. One time I had a guy ask me, "how many kids *DO* you have???" I realized he actually thought my students were my kids.

On the subject of dating, dating is really different here in Japan. It's never black and white. It's never clear cut. Just like everyone else in this world, my mind is multifaceted. In some ways I can be very girly but in most ways, I am practical. When my ex told me he loved me, I told him I would respond after I thought about how I felt for a while. Not that I didn't love him, but I wanted to make sure that it wasn't infatuation. When I say, "I love you", it should be with real meaning. Recently, I was thinking about moving, staying, trying to decide my future plans. A guy I have been going out with (more on that later) said to me, "I didn't give you my opinion because I didn't want to decide your future." Basically he wanted to let me decide my future without giving me any pressure. That is very sweet. The sentiment behind it is very sweet. My response was, "I never decide my future based on a guy. You can be a factor in my decision but you alone cannot carry any decision." Ugh, this is why people call me "ice queen". lol. I'd like to think I am very level headed- most of the time. *shrug*

So anyway, there is a guy that I have been kind of going out with recently. He's the friend of a friend. He lives in Osaka, which is a few hours train ride away from here (unless you take the shinkansen which is a bit pricey but 45 min train ride). He's 34, going on 35. Nice guy. Obviously I can't write too much, but we'll see. Currently, I have no idea what's going on. lol.

Well Christmas is coming up soon. This past weekend we celebrated Thanksgiving with about 25 people here in Nagoya. It was a grand feast. Turkey, stuffing, and every fixin' you can think of attended the feast. Now that Thanksgiving is over, I have 2 weeks until I go home for CHRISTMAS! YAY!!! I can hardly wait until I go home. This time it's been a year since I've been home and it actually feels like it's been a year. I have missed my dog, my sister, my mom, my beka.... ITS BEEN SOOOO LONG SINCE IVE HAD GOOD MEXICAN FOOD! I miss my grandparents a lot. I miss my dad too. I know he isn't alive anymore, but I feel closer to him when I am near my aunts...but I also feel my dad around when I do certain things.....like when I make Spanish rice. I can hear him telling me over and over not to burn the garlic. Or in the way my kids will say, "that's right" in the tone I say it, which is something I picked up from my dad. There are so many things I wish I could tell him. I also haven't had a chance to say goodbye to my cousin properly yet either. I haven't been able to hug my aunt. I feel like there are things I need to do at home.

Anyway, I am excited. My future is ever wide. December 1st marks my 2 year anniversary in Japan. I can't even believe it. lol. I always feel myself moving forward which is good but also a bit scary. I guess we will have to wait and see what happens next! Until the next post....!

typhoon tuesday!

today was a really icky day. the rain came down in a slightly heavier than a drizzle sized pebble all day long. it was just humid enough to feel sticky and annoy my hair. oh summer. how i dread you... but its here... theres nowhere to hide. sah. thankfully japan, i enjoy you... its funny how when i was studying japanese at cal we always talked about the weather, and being from california, it seemed kinda strange to always tell my professors "what nice weather we're having," since weather in california is usually nice. being here however, watching the weather change so frequently, i see what all the fuss is about. -.-

smoking is a thing here. i feel like i stepped back in time 30 years to when california still had smoking in restaurants. there are lots of cafes where the smoking section is actually larger than the nonsmoking section. though admittedly smokers here are more polite than say las vegas, i still feel the idea is backwards. smoking is in the past. its not cool, its unhealthy, and it makes your teeth bad. >_<" also, i enjoy dessert and the places that have the best dessert tend to be in bars... and i always come home smelling like a pack of cigarettes exploded from inside my body. the smell comes from my pores, my hair... i wake with a sore throat. ugh. almost not worth the ice cream. almost. but ice cream IS magical, so if enough time passes, i always find myself willing to make the sacrifice for my favorite tasty treat.

speaking of eating, ive lost more weight. today i put on a pair of jeans that i couldnt zip up before coming here, could fit into during spring, and now ive got easily over an inch of room. to my own credit, i do walk A LOT. i also am REALLY active in my classes. i set my temperature at 68 degrees and my kids are always sweating.

last week was review week for most of my classes and i had them doing mini relays and a few of them actually just collapsed and gave up. mwuahaha. lol. but my school director complimented me the other day on the level of english my kids were speaking. they know all the english theyre supposed to know plus a lot of incidental language that i speak in class.  for example, all my kids can properly ask me to use the restroom. they call all tell me if theyre too hot, too cold, etc., in english. none of that is actually in any of our books or in the lesson but its stuff i think they need to know. they also know all of the random commands i have for them like "GO WASH YOUR HANDS." children are filthy creatures. i say that often. these seem like small things but trying to teach someone something based on almost no knowledge of the language you speak is often a small feat. i have 15 kids classes, which like i said is really high but it doesnt actually phase me as much as i thought it would. aside from the fact that theyre filthy, they arent bad.

actually, this week i am interviewing for ECC Junior. its a subsidiary of ECC and sends people to the local schools to teach younger kids. They also work with the ECC Junior teachers, who are usually Japanese, to assist them in their English brush-ups. It's extra money which I need and doesn't require too much of a commitment. 10-15 hours a week maybe? no bad.

speaking of part time jobs... ive been seriously thinking about acting again. i really miss being on stage, rehearsals, etc. i have some friends here who do acting and modeling on the side, so i asked them for their help in getting information. my friend gave me a lot of information and her agents contact info. so last friday i went in to meet with the agent. she was really friendly and recorded my voice in english and japanese. she asked me to work on projecting my voice more - which i used to do but brought it down when i started studying japanese. anyway i told her i would and i am every day. she actually called me about a job next week but i have to work. T_T she knows my hours though and she said shed call me if she could find anything for me during my available times. she seemed really positive. i guess we shall see! lol.

lately ive been noticing that i analyze my speech a lot. im not sure if this is a recent thing or something ive always done but for some reason i am noticing it a lot more now. i bet it has something to do with work. -.- i hope my english isnt getting japanified! my english was already quirky enough...

something ive been thinking a lot about lately is what is going to happen next. im so indecisive as to what direction im supposed to go. i guess i am going to have to play it by ear to see where life will take me but there is so much i want to do with my life. current list of possibilities are:

* stay in japan a while longer (in nagoya)
* get  a phd in japan (in kyoto)
* move to tokyo
* move to france and teach there
* phd in england or scotland
* teach in korea (and study korean)
* teach in taiwan (and learn chinese)
* move back to the u.s. and get a phd there

i am really up in the air about all these things. jennifer says after shes done here shes going to do a working holiday in korea for a year... it would be great to go there and see where my grandpa was... learn korean... korean guys are soooo cuuuuuuteeeee!

also, ive thought about going to taiwan ever since i went there... it never seemed a possibility but now that im here nothing is impossible is it? i could see myself being very comfortable in taiwan. they are vaguely close to the japanese culture wise.. which is comfortable for me.

i know if i spent a year in france i could be fluent. french is super easy for me to pick up. i had a really high a in my 10 unit class and i dont think i spent more than an hour of time studying total the entire time i was there. this would help with my overall goal of getting my phd in medieval literature since most of the manuscripts i read have english, french and latin writing in them...

i donno. so much to think about! what am i going to do with my life?! what am i supposed to do with my life? ive never spent so much time thinking about it really. ive always gone with the path that life has taken me but recently ive been feeling a sense of urgency. im not sure why.

my sister graduated from GRAD SCHOOL last week!!!!!!!!! GO CINDY!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOO! <3 i am so very proud of my sister. she just amazes me with how she can choose to do something and make it happen. shes my baby sister and shes quite the capable adult now but since i played such a big role in raising her, the pride i feel seems like that of a parent and not just a sibling. i am in awe. im pretty sure that might have something to do with why i am feeling the fire to do something in my life too. i keep thinking to myself WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE VALERIE?!?!?!?!?! -.- grad school? someday. soon.

as my 7 month mark approaches and the half way mark of my current term in japan approaches, i am feeling settled here. life is nice. ive made some solid friendships. also though, many of my friends are leaving now to head back to their respective countries. its sad to see so many people leave, but most of the people here are not planning to make careers out of their time in japan. that being said, I FINALLY GOT AN OVEN!!!!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! AAAAAAAND A RICE COOKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *DANCES* im bought a small oven from a friend who is moving. as well as a lamp, rice cooker, and some extension cords. -.- and i got them all at garage sale prices! i feel so lucky! T_T you dont know how much life sucks without an oven! and while i cant really enjoy it very much now that summer is here... i am going to be doing all the baking as soon as fall hits! yay me!

so yes, my life revolves around food. every saturday night mandy and i find time to have dinner. we travel all over the city eating at different restaurants and trying new things. we have had some of the best conversations over dinner and had some pretty amazing food. its also a nice chance to catch up and/or vent about life. really though neither of us really has much to vent about. we both seem to be really enjoying our time in japan in our own way. we are similar yet quite different in a way that makes us compatible as friends. talking to mandy helps keep me grounded while i am here. its great.

lately work has finally settled down. the kids are in a routine. i can anticipate the bad ones and usually head them off before they cause any trouble. i also realize how much i tend to form bonds with people. i worry about my kids. i dont like to see them get picked on at school and i want to guard them. one of my students had her last day this week. shes 5 but her family has to move to osaka. her father beats her mother and her mom is pregnant and is having complications from it all. the child is one of the sweetest, most caring children i have in all of my classes combined. that anyone would harm her makes me feel so much pain for her. also, its not secret that i also shared similar experiences growing up, so it makes the situation more intimate for me. i am glad she is moving though. it means her mom is taking a step in the right direction for the children, which is difficult but very brave. my understanding is that domestic violence happens more frequently that we know about here, just like in the states. sah. such a terrible thing to experience... especially as a child. but again, thankfully her mother is strong enough to make this step...

ive been talking with many of my students about japanese families. my friend told me she believes about 30% of marriages are arranged marriages. that number is kind of shocking to me actually but she met her husband via an arranged marriage. my impression is that husbands and wives live separately. husbands often travel for work and leave their wives home to care for children. ive heard on more than one occasion of husbands and wives living in different cities all together. the reason being that its hard for children to change schools since they have to take placement tests to get into junior highs and high schools here. also many japanese companies move their employees around every 3-5 years, so men often have no choice in moving.  that puts a big strain on the marital relationship. also though, it seems like many people get married because its whats expected. people arent marrying for love - at least not the older people ive met. they marry because they must have children to succeed the family. my perception might be slightly skewed since i work for an expensive english school and wealthier people have fewer options as to whom they get to marry... but it is the stereotype many people have expressed to me. though obviously there are exceptions.

shelby came to visit me last weekend! it was great seeing her! i hadnt seen her since 2009 i think. its amazing how quickly time flies. shes just about to leave japan and head back to california to finish up her graduate degree and i am really glad i got a chance to see her. the best part about having so many friends in the japanese department is that theyre all here with me. its like japan is a big college and i get to bump into people on occasion. a lot of my heart is here in japan.

also, this year marks the 5th anniversary of my grannys passing. i cant believe shes been gone that long already. my grandma was such a remarkable person. the stories she had were priceless. whenever we had time to talk i would ask her to tell me stories about her childhood, her family, her friends... she was the youngest child and had all brothers. she started picking cotton when she was 3 and was born at the tail end of the great depression. her brothers were in wwii, once of them landed on the beach on dday and one of them fought in japan. she didnt wear jewelry or fancy clothes. her favorite color was green. she loved chili and spicy foods, perhaps even more than i do. if i listen closely, i can still hear her voice. when she died i thought that i couldnt even imagine a world without her. 5 years later i still cant believe its true. but grandma had no fear of death. she didnt worry about it and she didnt ever think we should make a fuss about it. she was remarkably brave and strong. she was everything i hope to be in life. i miss you granny.

i hold very tightly to many of the things my granny taught me. one of them was not to fear death. granted my granny was a lot more religious than i am, but i dont fear death. i dont even think about it actually. well no, i think about death a lot because i am kinda morbid (i.e. i like to read obituaries), but i dont *fear* death. i dont think about what happens after you die or anything like that. but, i must admit, i want to have a grand funeral. ^_^ i want a funeral like my grannys. lots of singing and people who will lie and say how absolutely wonderful i was... and lots of sobbing. like this ---> T_T but for details on that, you can ask bobby. he's the official event planner of my funeral.

since we're on the death topic, this weekend was fathers day. this will be my second without my dad. next month will be the 2 year anniversary of his passing as well. how quickly time passes. it passes without regard to feelings or want... just keeps going. but tomorrow i will celebrate fathers day. i will celebrate it for my grandfather and for my step dad chris, both of whom have helped me through many troubled times. i am lucky to have so many wonderful men in my life. many people only have one father but ive had many. for this i am thankful. i am sure my dad would be pleased that i am paying my respects to the people who have helped me in my life. still, its tough.

in lighter/happier news, my good friend emm is coming to japan next month! yay! she'll be here for training for 3 weeks! i am super excited to see her and also ill have a chance to go to tokyo! weee!!! i can hardly wait! i dont think ive seen her since 2008! ack! i dont even care what we do as long as we get to catch up... its gonna be great!

also, with any luck, cindy le will be visiting me at the end of her term in korea, which will also be at the end of next month. i cant believe shes been here in asia for almost 6 months already. cool. but also crazy how quickly time flies. i always say that but its never any less strange.

lately yohsuke has been sick. he had the flu and a cold back to back. poor guy. things have been hard lately because he lives with his family in another city thats not easy for me to get to... and he works a lot, and with him being sick, the last couple of months have been hard. i dont blame him... just, its rough.

last friday i got a new movie rental membership and rented a couple of japanese movies with no subtitles. in some parts i caught upwards of 75% and in other parts about 50% but it really depends on who is speaking... girls are easy to understand and they have easy speech to follow but guys seem to speak an entirely different japanese sometimes. although i am not a huge fan of the romantic comedy, they are the easiest for me to watch.

something that proved to be quite shocking to me was the lack of ovens in japan. THEY DONT HAVE OVENS!!!!! *gasp!* yea, like none. you can buy a small oven that is about the size of a large microwave but they dont come standard. thats why when i found out my friends were getting rid of theirs (since theyre leaving to teach in korea), i jumped on it! theyre so expensive here! about half the cost of an american sized oven for about 1/4 the capacity!

the last thing i got was a brita water filter. it was something ive wanted since i got here but have been too cheap to buy. admittedly, it was only about 30$ but that still seems like too much for water! but i did it and now i am drinking water like nobody's business.

last week i went to a school party. i like the school that held the party but i am always taken aback by foreigners. like, how do they have no tact? how can they be so self involved and have no regard for the culture or the place they are living? ugh. i was embarrassed to be there. one of the students told me, "they are very american arent they?" its sad that that's a phrase people use here... but its true. so i keep my distance. i dont need problems in my peaceful existence in japan...

finally, ive been watching a whole lotta k-dramas. ive always liked them more than anything else but stopped watching them when i got to cal. lately though ive picked up the habit again and its brought me endless amounts of joy in the last couple of weeks. i love so many things about them... but mostly i like how relationships seem to work in korea. its my perfect balance of love and distance... no overcrowding and not over the top, but not cold and distant either.

this is my favorite actor: kim hyun joong *swoons*

finally, if you follow the facebook updates, today we are experiencing typhoon tuesday. <---check out our weather map! i think two typhoons are supposed to hit tonight so classes were cancelled! yay!!!! i came home at 2 and had a nice dinner, a long bath, and did some of my chores for the week. tonight im going to start a new drama and then hopefully get a good night's sleep. its my first typhoon! i hope the power doesnt go out... then id have to eat all my ice cream in one sitting! itll be tough, but it must be done!

hope you are all enjoying whatever life has to offer you. til next time....